Earthquakes

Earthquakes (And the Price of Eggs)

"Love makes the world go round, money can't buy happiness, and what does that have to do with the price of eggs?" Today when I repeat these adages that are so familiar to most of us, they don't ring as true as they once did.

Lately, it seems that money is what makes the world go round! In fact, were it not for all those pictures of dead presidents on that funny colored paper, the earth would grind to a sudden stop on its axis and we would all fall off into outer space.

It is no secret that some people have lots of money, while others have less. Sadly enough, the majority of us live in the latter category. In our household the phrase 'cash flow' is an oxymoron, and budget is a code word for, "Maybe we can afford to get our groceries out of lay-away this week."

How much money is enough? That's like asking "How high is up?" or "How round is a circle?". There once was a time when twenty dollars was a lot of money. I remember when we could buy groceries for an entire week for twenty dollars. Now a twenty-dollar bill isn't worth a dime. And I'm not that old!

I remember when we could drive our cars up to the pumps and get five dollars worth of gas, then drive all over town and still have enough gas left over to get home. Now it costs more than five dollars to fill up the tank on our lawn mower. In fact, I probably drip that much from the nozzle onto my shoes, while replacing the hose to its slot on the pump.

Folks used to get their money's worth plus a little extra for the things they bought. Remember those dishes they gave as a bonus for buying a box of oatmeal? And the glasses and washcloths inside the boxes of detergent? Remember Green Stamps? These days even 'free' costs $4.95 shipping and handling. Manufacturers no longer offer a bonus for buying their products, and customer service has become extinct. We're lucky that the stores aren't all BYOB (Bring Your Own Bags).

I often wonder how our great-great-grandparents would react to these changes.

Which brings up a new thought. I'm no geophysicist, but I have my own theory of what has caused all these earth quakes around the world in recent years. And I didn't reach this conclusion by studying fault lines, temperature changes in the earth's crust, nor the frequent movement of tectonic plates. I think the earthquakes were caused by our ancestors turning over in their graves. Imagine their shock at today's disgracefully inflated prices. I mean, let's face it. How many of them had to mortgage their home in order to put their kids through pre-school?

Even the cost of dying has gone through the roof. A funeral is now considered a luxury. Not too many years ago, we could buy a small farm for the same price we now pay for a cemetery plot. And a decent coffin now costs more than the first Ford Mustang that rolled off the assembly line in 1964. The Mustang sold for the exorbitant sum of $2,368.00, an unheard of price for a car in those days. You could put a few dollars with that today and get a set of tires...maybe...if they're used tires and if you mount them yourself.

Health care is no longer an option. My doctor kept diagnosing me with all these illnesses that I couldn't afford, so I stopped going to his office. Actually there aren't that many cheap diseases left. Even a headache costs around five dollars now, counting the water you drink to aid you in swallowing the aspirin.

And, according to the USDA Economic Research Service, the Consumer Price Index for food will increase by 2.5 to 3.5 percent in the coming year.

Now if you will excuse me, I need to grab a stack of these dead presidents, and run to the store and buy eggs before the price goes up. Again!

Is it just me, or does anyone else feel the ground shaking?

Leeuna Foster is a syndicated humor columnist from East Tennessee. Her column appears weekly in her home town newspaper. She is also a reporter and staff writer for The Beacon

 

Author : Leeuna Foster